Restaurant Etiquette : Don’t Share Bills With French Friends šŸ’¶

Author: Camille Chevalier-Karfis

How do you handle paying for the bill at a restaurant in France, among French friends? Here is a list of French expressions we use to make clear who is going to pay, as well as cultural tips.

There is much to say about French table etiquette, and I wrote many articles on this blog about this subject.

However, I believe the way French people address the bill at a restaurant requested a bit of attention.

1 ā€“ Donā€™t Talk About Money in France

Talking about money is considered vulgar by French people, so we donā€™t like to share the bill at the end of a meal.

Itā€™s part of our French politeness to take turn treating friends, and we kind of keep track mentally of who hosted last, who paid for a restaurant etcā€¦

This is especially true if the party is only two people or two couples.

Friends can say it up front:

  • ā€œCe soir, cā€™est nous qui vous invitonsā€
    (Tonight, itā€™s on us.).
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2 ā€“ Do Fight to Pay the Bill

Or, just grab the bill when it arrives. Friends often argue on who will pay the bill, meaning everybody argues that they want to pay the whole bill.

Who is going to pay the bill among French friends is often settled by:

  • ā€œNon, jā€™insiste. Vous nous inviterez la prochaine foisā€
    (No, I insist. Youā€™ll invite us next time),
  • or ā€œNon, non, cā€™est Ć  notre tour, cā€™est vous qui nous avez invitĆ©s la derniĆØre foisā€
    (No, no, itā€™s our turn, you invited us last time.)

3 ā€“ Be Precise About Your Invitation

Be aware of the difference between:

  • ā€œJe voudrais vous inviter au restaurantā€
    Iā€™d like to invite you to a restaurant ā€“ which means the person launching the invitation will pay the whole bill,

and

  • ā€œVous voulez venir avec nous au restaurant ce soir?ā€
    Would you like to join us in a restaurant tonight?)

Or, more casual:

  • ā€œOn se fait un resto ce soir?ā€
    Why donā€™t we eat out tonight?

In both cases, itā€™s unclear on who is paying.

4 ā€“ Yet Sometimes, French People do Share the Bill

These are not rule set in stone. Of course, sometimes French people will share the bill.

Larger tables, younger crowds, friends getting together several times per week, and of course co-workers will tend to share the bill.

In that case, we just say:

  • ā€œon partage enā€ + the number of people who ate.
    Letā€™s share it inā€¦ ā€ X

Or someone will just give the amount in cash they think they are in forā€¦

  • ā€œTiens ; voilĆ  45 Euros pour Paul et moiā€.
    Here you go: here are 45 Euros for Paul and me.

Or the person putting the amount together will ask for it

  • Donne-moi juste 35 Euros pour Paul et toi: tu nā€™as pris quā€™une salade.
    Just give me 25 Euros for Paul and you: you only had a salad.

However, we will seldom go into discussing precisely who had exactly what to calculate exactly how much one should pay. We wing it, round it upā€¦

Sometimes, the waiter will accept that each one pay with his credit card. So, the peson will say: ā€œpour moi, cā€™Ć©tait le steak-frite et un cocaā€ā€¦ and the waiter will charge his credit card. This has become even easier with the contactless / tap to pay cardsā€¦

5 ā€“ Do Offer to Invite a Frenchwoman

Now, if you are a man having lunch or dinner (it can be just as friends: itā€™s not because you have dinner with a woman in France that itā€™s ā€œa dateā€œ), French customs dictate that you pay for her.

This is an old habit though, and the woman could insist that sheā€™d like to pay her part, or even treat her male friendā€¦ but letā€™s say that it is expected for the man to offer, and to insist a bit, even if he could possibly concede at the end.

Some ā€“ usually older ā€“ men would not have it. I sneaked on my Dad once and pretexted to go to the bathroom but instead went to pay for lunch directly at the register in a kind of fancy restaurant. My Dad was really mad, and made me promise I would never do it again!

If you enjoyed this article, I recommend you read ā€œhow to comment about food in Frenchā€ and ā€œwhat about ā€œleā€ French doggy bag?ā€

Author: Camille Chevalier-Karfis

Camille Chevalier-Karfis

Born and raised in Paris, I have been teaching today's French to adults for 25+ years in the US and France. Based on my students' goals and needs, I've created unique downloadable French audiobooks focussing on French like it's spoken today, for all levels. Come to Paimpol and enjoy an exclusive French immersion homestay with me in Brittany.

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